Jar of Clay

Despite Love Himself being infinite, He didn't create our hearts with an infinite capacity. I am learning that there are only so many things we can spend our time and energy loving and caring about. I'd like it if every single friend was my best friend. I'd like to be able to call or email everyone on my facebook friends list. I'd like to obsess about every single one of my clients until I solve every single one of their problems. But I can't, no matter how much I want to. I'm a big fan of choice, and I believe that within the limits of your circumstances (where you live or were raised, your family atmosphere, et cetera, all of which in part determine what you place importance on) you can chose what to fill your heart with. What matters to you? What has a proper place in your heart?

I was reading a fantastic article on young men in the church and the poverty of male leadership. The author was in part blaming pornography, and here was their reasoning: porn takes a guy (or girl's) focus away from God dirties the person's heart. Not only that, but then the person who looks at porn often uses precious time and energy hiding this addiction, in the process lying and distancing himself from others (like mentors, etc). Their time and energy can easily be eaten up by this disease of pornography. And don't worry, whoever you are reading this, the "secret" will eventually come out. Now, that's a pretty harsh example, but aren't we doing this every day? Filling our time with endless episodes of TV shows, scrolling for hours through Facebook (guilty), reading novels constantly, worrying about the latest fashion trends or gossip or politics or (insert trivial thing here). 

Here's a little experiment. What do you spend the most time talking about? Do you know someone who talks on and on about their favorite TV show as if it were something happening in real life? The Bible says something about this. "The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks." (Luke 6:45) 

What are you guarding in your heart? What do you treasure and spend your time and energy on? I know for me, for the first three weeks of my new job I was obsessing over my clients' situations, trying to figure out every possible way to help and fix and do for them what they hadn't been able to do for themselves. When I called my parents, that's all I'd talk about (within the bounds of confidentiality, of course). And when I wasn't at work or thinking about work, I'd be sitting watching a TV episode on my computer, or reading a novel to "unwind", because I knew I needed to take care of myself. None of these are bad things, of course. Not in moderation. But I wasn't doing ANYTHING else with my life. And since when is my life about me anyway? One day someone finally called me out. You see, since I'd returned from Brasil, of my dearest Brasilian friends and I talked almost every day using a texting application called Viber. We'd promised to Skype each other often and keep in touch. I have other Brasilian friends I've made, too, people who aren't Christians who God blessed me to be able to share His gospel with over the summer. Well, my friend just up and asks me "Mindi, how long has it been since you've talked to Rosa?" See, I'd usually discuss with this friend of mine how my conversations about God were going with my other friend, Rosa. Boom. Just like that. I answered that it'd been weeks. Weeks. She had expressed that she already felt like she was bothering me by emailing back and forth. I'd assured her she wasn't, that we were friends, and I loved to keep in touch with her and talk with her. I do. I love her very much. But I'd let something else consume me to the point of ignoring a precious soul who is reaching out for the love of God. More than that, my friend's example was glaring at me. I hadn't called him in a week, we barely texted, and we hadn't Skyped since I moved down to OKC. But he wasn't concerned about how I was hurting him: he cared about Rosa, who was teetering on the edge of faith in God. I couldn't even tell you the last time I had opened my Bible for myself at that point, let alone in conversation with another. And Rosa and my other Brasilian friend aren't the only two I've been neglecting. I don't even know any details of my best friend's wedding, which is in December, because I haven't taken the time to call her. 

I've been failing, my friends, and I'm ashamed. Help me. Tell me if I've not been talking with you like you'd like. YOU, as my friends and family, come first in my life. I know I haven't proven it but trust me when I tell you I love you more than anything and I want to keep in touch with you. I don't want to be consumed by the things that don't matter. I want to squeeze every moment out of every day, living each to its fullest. I want to pour out the love in my heart, my time, and my energy on those who deserve it. Not some stupid TV show so I can "veg out" after a hard day at work. Not hopelessly thinking about all the things I should have done during the day at work (since I can't change these things after the client walks out of the room, anyway). But thinking about, praying for or with, and loving YOU, those are what I choose as my priorities. 

Listen up, everyone! I'm graduating with my undergraduate degree April 26th and my birthday is April 29th. I've heard some ask what they can get me for a graduation or birthday gift.
I have decided to donate both my graduation and my birthday and I would be really honored if you would support the mission closest to my heart instead of getting me a gift. I spent Summer 2011 in Niterói, Brasil, serving with the O Caminho Church there. This church is currently seeking to build their own building to expand the size and get rid of the extremely high cost of renting. Details of how to donate are on the website linked below. Anything you could give is so very much appreciated and I thank you in advance! If you would put in the memo line or instructions that you're donating for my birthday or graduation that'd be great so that I know who to thank. If you prefer to remain anonymous, that's okay, too. Thank you so much! I believe in the Niterói mission with my whole heart!

http://www.niteroimission.com/building-project-overview/how-to-give/

So, it's been a while. The reason?
I got back from Brasil and life went crazy. My grandma passed away. Two days later my niece (pictured below) was born. I soaked up as much time as possible with my parents and my guy and then it was back to the grindstone of classes. Classes this semester are extraordinarily time-consuming. Why? Even though I'm a junior I decided to take my senior capstone psychology course (that's my major). It's a year-long course that I swear should be worth more than 3 credit hours. There's not a lot of academic material, and only two exams counting the final. The problem is the research project. We have to design our own psychological experiments and then do them. This semester is a bit easier, as we're only going to be presenting in front of our peers and psychology professors. However, there's a huge pressure to get it right because next semester we'll be designing another experiment, doing it, then presenting our results at OPS, which is Oklahoma's psychologists/mental health professionals all together critiquing us and listening to our research. It's quite intimidating. Sooooo, yeah. That's what I've been spending all my time on, in addition to studying for all of my other classes. Weeeee. Anywho.

• An impromptu trip to Chicago should be for spontaneous fun, not because you’re told that very day that unless you do, you will not be receiving your visa in time to make your $1200 international flight and you will have to eat like $500 or $600 in changing your ticket. Long story short, 30 hours, over 800 miles, and a very grumpy agent at the consulate later, I’m guaranteed my visa. The company handling it should pick it up Wednesday and overnight Fedex it to me. That being said, this company hasn’t been very on the ball about things, so I’ll be emailing and calling them every couple hours today and again in the morning to make sure they pick it up.

Kinda foggy, but still. the buildings where we were are on my favorite blocks, close to Millennium Park!

• Moms are fantastic for things like making said trip with you because you’re awful at driving in the city (really I  and couldn’t have made it without her/paying for it. I appreciate her and Dad so much. I’d be absolutely lost without them.

• I leave for Brazil in exactly 7 days. Holy what?! Ohjeezeohjeezeohjeeze. I’m traveling. By myself. Internationally! To Rio de Janeiro! I’m excited beyond belief, but slightly nervous. Not about traveling alone because I’ll be alone and I’m scared, but because I get lost like you wouldn’t believe. Far too easily. And I haven’t flown since I was 5, nor have I even set foot IN an airport since, so I sure as heck have no recollection how airports work. Oh boy. I hope security doesn’t tackle me because my prosthetic leg’s titanium. Hehe. That’ll be an adventure.

•  I’m ridiculously sleepy today. Thank you rainy weather plus not enough sleep.

•  Packing is not my forte. In fact, I despise it.

• There’s this guy. Yeah, he’s come to mean a lot to me. I’ll spare you the Swiss and Cheddar, but I have to tell you that stopped by the side of the road and picked me a large bunch of my favorite flowers, lilies. These were the big orange tiger lilies that are currently taking over the world here in MO. Yeah, he’s pretty swell. I’m in awe of how God’s blessed me with him in my life.

• It was my goal to re-read “Living God’s Love”, a book by Earl Lavender and Gary Holloway that I highly recommend to ANY Christian. Anyway, I was gonna read and journal through it, because I read it and wrote a paper/ did a presentation over it for a class I had last fall, but it holds a wealth of information and I find myself finding something new every time I pick it up. Point is, I didn’t make it through.

• I also wanted to journal through a study of the Psalms with said amazing guy in 30 days. We’re not keeping on top of it, which is frustrating. I’m going to try so hard to do that on my plane ride (14 hours each way).  I treasure the Psalms so much. I see the intimacy of God with His people through them, and they reveal many aspects of God’s character, which is so wonderful!

•  Last Monday 3 of my best friends and I traveled to Joplin to help out. I can’t get the experience out of my head. It was humbling and both heartbreaking and heartening at the same time as we saw the devastation and watched and helped people as they strived to pick up their lives. If there were one word to describe the people of Joplin it would be resilient. They’re so strong and determined to pick up the pieces to create something beautiful. I’m going back down with my best friend’s parents and hopefully some more people on Friday. We have to be down there at 7:30am, which means leaving the church at 4:30 am. W00t for early mornings. I can’t wait to see the sun rise.

• I haven’t been responsible about a lot of things this summer (namely, I didn’t get a job for the 6 weeks I was home), and though I regret that, it’s been a crazy amazing summer so far and I can’t wait to see what God has in store for me. I love this awful beautiful life that He’s given me and I enjoy so much getting to share a relationship with Him with His people. I LOVE IT. 

There's a link. At the top of the page. It says "Internship".
CLICK IT.

This is where I will be keeping my journal/blog all about Niterói, Brasil, which, if you didn't know, is the city I will be living in for 6 weeks as an intern to a wonderful missionary team. I'm so very excited.

If you can't figure out the link... click here.

Also, please donate! I know the photos probably aren't worth $20, you will be helping me get to Brazil. I still have $1200 to raise by this day in June. Click here to find out how and details on the trip.

Love to you all!